Wednesday, August 17, 2016

I Will Not Let the Devil Steal My Joy

Ever since I've been young I have been embarrassed to wear a swimsuit. I don't know why or where this insecurity stems from. I remember being a teenager and loving the pool but hating having to wear a swimsuit. When I bought my first home I purchased a pool so that I didn't have to go to the public pool anymore. Being in a swimsuit in public just made me uncomfortable.

It's not that I'm insecure with how I look. My weight has fluctuated over the years but I've always been happy with my body regardless if I was a little bigger or when I was most fit training for a marathon. 

I sold my house over a year ago so anytime since then I've had to swim in public, which meant being seen by people in a swimsuit. I love my body I just hate swimsuits on my body. Always have. So swimming is always my least favorite thing to do. 

I don't want to be a downer when I'm with the kids so anytime they want to swim I suck it up and put on my dreaded swimsuit and a happy face. The whole time I'm not as happy as I could be. 

I started to ponder why I let myself feel this way. Being insecure in a swimsuit was affecting how much fun I had with my kids. That's when I decided that I WILL NOT LET THE DEVIL STEAL MY JOY.  

The insecurities I had were not coming from God, they were thoughts the devil placed in my head when I was younger and I let those thoughts manifest so much that I was unhappy wearing a swimsuit. No more. I decided I would no longer care how I looked in a swimsuit.

That was almost a year ago and although I still hear the devil try to convince me to care how my arms look a bit flabby in a particular swimsuit or another makes my thighs look big I instantly tell myself that I'm perfect how I am and I will not let thoughts from the devil make me feel any different. 

I WILL NOT LET THE DEVIL STEAL MY JOY!

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